u know its crazy i walk in this world feelin like im alone the only one tryin to know everything there is to know then theres sum who bring me back befor it turns upside down sum i pushed away i struggle to sleep knowin wat i did and wats to come my dreams r striking me i sit and pray asking for help for guidance know i have to do it on my own inchs from breaking down fighting wit my self i dont know u can say im crazy my peronalitys are startin to get to i dont think can be the old me so much pain guilt .........illl be back i need to do somting forgive me

I'VE LOOK AND ALOT I'VE WRITIN DOSN'T MAKE SINCE ALL DAT STUFF IS NOTIN NOW I GOT BIGGER THINGS BUT IM NOT GOING TO SIT AND WRITE ABOUT IT IM GOING TO DO THE DO I GOT A NEW NICK NAME YING AND YANG ILL TELL U Y LATER AND IM DONE WIT DA BLUE BUT BYE FOR NOW I GOT TO FIND OUT IF IM GOING TO DIE SOON (REALTALK SOME SICKNESS BUT I REALLY DONT WAT TO KNOW)BYE BYE

mood: cold

WHAT WAS I ON????????????









THE GURL I LOVE IS GONE I WAS TOLD I'LL FIND SOME ONE BETTER IT BEEN MOSTLY A YEAR
AND ALL I DEAL WITH IS YOUNG KIDS FROM MY PAST DER WAS A COUPLE OF AGE OR MORE BUT THERE WAS SO KINKS I STILL HAVN'T FOUND ONE LIKE CLOSE OR BETTER WAIT I DID BUT TWO PROBLEMS SHE'S DEAD AND SHE WAS FAMOUS LISA LOPES (LEFT)EYE DER WAS SO MANY THING WE SHARED THE WAY SHE THOUGHT THE THINGS SHE DID BUT SO PERFECT AND YET GONE BUT ANOUTHER GURL ALOT ASK Y I LOVE HER SHE DID ALOT SHE MAD ME HAPPY SHE GAVE ME CONFRONT SHE TOOK CARE FOR ME SHE CARED FOR ME SHE WAS OPEN SHE THOUGHT DIFFERENT AND SO MUCH MORE BUT THE MORE I TRY TO GETT HER BACKIT SEEMS THE MORE I PUSH HER AWAY I REALLY WANT HER BACKI FEEL SO WEAK AND ITS SO BAD THAT I IMAGINE THE WAY SHE FEELS BOUT FROME TIME TO TIME LIKE NOW IT SEEMS THAT WOULD BE BULLSHIT TO HER AND MOST THE THINGS I SAY MEAN NOTING NO MORE BUT THATS JUST HOW I FEEL FRIENDS TELL ME THAT SHE WANTS ME AND I'LL SHE HER AND FEEL SOMTING DIFFERENT LOSS IN MY MIND CANT GET HER OUT I TRY BUT I CAN'T SHE'S THE ONLY ONE I CAN TALK ABOUT EVERY THING WITHIN OR OUT THE BOX THERE DEJ BUT I FUCK UP SOMTIN BAD TRYIN TO ACT YEA ACT I FEEL......SO USELESS I CANT DO THIS NO MORE I'LL FINNISH TOMORROW IT HURTS WAY TO MUCH RIGHT NOW AND NO ONE TO SHARE THE PAIN WITH LOL

mood: USELESS

THE WAY I FEEL THE WAY I FEEL IS THAT THERE IS NO ONE THAT FEELS MY PAIN
THE WAY I FEEL THE WAY I FEEL IS EVERY ONE AROUND IS WAITING FOR ME TO GO NSANE

I FEEL LIKE I'M CAGE IN WITH PEOPLE WHO FEELS THE SAME ABOUT ONE ANOTHER AND YET I STILL FEEL THAT THE GURL OF MY DREAMS WILL SET ME FREE CAME CLOSE......BUT MY FEELINGS WAS CRUSHED SO I TRY TO GO ON AND SEAL THE PAIN WITH IN ME I KNOW SHE'LL NEVER LOOK AT ME THE SAME FRIENDS FAM HIDING SOMETHING FROM ME THAT'S THE WAY I FEEL I CAN'T WAKE UP WITH OUT MY MIND HURTING THE PAIN IS CRUCIAL........... FEELINS PLEASURE AND PAIN U ASK YOUR SELF WAT U SUFFER FROM ME THAT'S EASY I TURN TO PEOPLE WIT NO CLUE NO WILLING TO HELP NOTING BUT GIGGLE IN YOUR FACE FAM I LOVE TO DEF BUT DA TIME WERE YOU DO THEY LOVE YOU AND Y Y THEY TREAT U THIS WAY I LIVE IN A CORRUPTED WORLD WHERE PEOPLE KILL STEAL AND HATE FOR FUN DEN TURN AROUND AND GET ON HIS KNEES AND PRAY


THIS IS THE I FEEL PAIN
THIS IS THE WAY I FEEL INSANITY

mood: PAIN

my time is up
its past me up
my time is up
its time for me to pay my dues
my time is up
i can see its coming
my time is up
i knew i was coming up next
my time is up
i dont feel well
my time is up
theres no bail for this
my time is up but its ok i did wat
i want to do to be comeplet i found my love
dont tell:(



(im not playin around realtalk)

imstuck i cant let go
im stuck i really cant let go
i love her i really love her
but i hurt her i really hurt her
she left
but im stuck
i got so much from her good and bad
but im stuck
she say no way
but im stuck
i try and try but prob not hard enough she no
but im still stuck
i got hurt to but im stuck
i put up wit it
but im stuck
i seen it
but im stuck
i believed it
but im stuck
will i get it o will i get left stuck

im so close to killin myself
im not post to go trew all dis shit at this age
im losin my head
i got no one in my conner
i tryed and i keep on tyrin
i need to go back to theropy
im lossin ppl
i dont know where to turn
i cause pain to one person and da pain comes back 10 folds
can any one see me
all i can say im sorry
is cuzz of my past that i ended up this way
y cant know one see where im comin from
i want to give up it sounds so good to
im fightin with my self every day
i hide my pain
these demons wont leav me alone
i pray
is this a test
tell me
am going mad
will i make it
TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mood: crazy

yea i killed yea i stole shit yea i got in fighs yea i slang da shit yea use ppl yea i lied yea been to jail yea i done dirt but i changed i think diffrent and i walk diffrent i act diffrent i care i pray i do wat it takes my hart still hasnt stop hurtn but i still got to get going i dont think its going to stop

mood: hurt

if i do move will things get better will i move on i dont knowim going to keep on pushn

what do u do when u loss the gurl u love and u know its all ur falt what do u do when cant sleep cuzz u thinking of her what do u do when cant eat what do u do when u fall apart after u got right and its to late idk help me i dont want to move on unless im with her just.......................... idk know i want to give up but thats not me no more

mood: blank

why i had to so stupid why i had to be so lazy why now all dis stuff i just realize made me lose ppl that care for ppl i would give life for gone why i ask u i thoght to day was going to be a good day last night i rote a song for her its one more chance at love when i was done i was so happy i kew she was going to call me and sumthing good would come out of it i even prayed but now after the call and doning some reading my hart is broken fuck that i have no hart i gave it to her and now im falln apart what happen to me the boss the gangsta the O.G. im soft when im thinkin bout her she dosnt want me back i have change i feel it my famliy see im getin there trust back little buy little kylee i lossing more and more and i wanted is one more just in case i leav she dont know and i dont think she would care i might be moving and its up to me i havent told any body i got to finish getin my hair cut but any ways i need help cuzz when i talk to her and tell her how i feel soft yea the O.G. the boss the killa DAMN I should have got right when i was wit her shes all ready back to dating and i kant but im going to ty one more time and it i still dont get it im gone and start overi whis she knew wat she do for me

mood: rejected

i got wat i wanted i got some one to talk to i feel lil better but theres somting missing wat i dont know or do i

i find my self on here more and more all i wanted was to talk bout my problems but no one has time they go talk to them i tried go talk to him hes gone go talk to her she busy my life isnt that when i look at it but im just not happy no more wow im sittin her and and my sis playin a song from grease it brings back the times when we was in the playjust now lol a tear drop from my eye thats a first why do i feel this i dont want to complain or cry about it i just wanted to talk is that hard i listin to every one else and i try to help them to my best but i cant get the same back i tryin to just blow it over my head but it just wont do it its stuck leaving down and out im back to putin on a fake smile

y do i feel lonley i dont know y ..........................................................................................................................................................

alll i want is to talk where is every one

well i couldnt sleeep lats night after i got off the phone with kylee but i went to sleep a couple time and all of them was when me and kylee was at her house lay in down on the couch watchin tv and the last one i didnt like cuss i didnt get it i was on my knees in the dark alone who knows but hey ill find out and kylee hasnt posted notin in along time ?????????

mood: awake

well my day yesterday started off great dje told me to ask her if she wants to go to the movies so i did and she said ok that wass good she told me call her later so i said ok then i got up left to go see who wanted to go downtown wit me like always no one so i went by my self i got down there it was coo but they was stopin earlie cuzz there was a fight i seen ppl i knew some i like and some i didnt but it was wat ever when that was done i went to the 16 street to post up and walk around seen my home gurl from way back we kick it and talk and gave me some advise of what to do with this kylee thing so it was dark i didnt know wat time it was i walk to bus stop once agin like its not new some one has to talk shit i didnt say notin cuzz i knew i was going to fight if i did i told kylee i would stop so i avoided that so the 44 took for ever so i goton the 43 but littel did i know that bus stop in park hill the one place i do not want to be in i had to wait for another one so i get off i sittin post mindin my own biss till the nigg that was talkin shit hit me in the back of the head so now im gettin hit in the back and the head he stops and walks off i was hurt but i dont know wat hit me but my skin felt tight i could see it started going dark i got up i was piss past anything i ran up on him pick him up by his legs and threw him down i pick him up and went off i stop went to the bus stop and left him there we leav i get on havana and the cops stop the bus and they come on and grab me and put me in hand cuffs i did say notin they patt me down they ask if i had anything to do with the shootin at the parkin ride i say no they get a call and they let me go and rush off i get back in montbello home i call kylee let here know wats up hung up got on the 44 and went home got there i called kylee now i know she wanted space dje said try it so i did plus she said call later i did we talk for a min thin shi say call me in 10 min so i say ok about 20 pass i knew she was on the phone talkin to some one so i said ok any way i call her back we talk for a lil wile long and she puts me on hold she gets back on and i tell her that my body hurtsand she say that i should go to sleep well i knew wat that mean she said that we wasnt even post to be talkin and i keep askin my self how can i show her i changed if she dont want to talk but its ok its ok my day well it was ok

well my day yesterday started off great dje told me to ask her if she wants to go to the movies so i did and she said ok that wass good she told me call her later so i said ok then i got up left to go see who wanted to go downtown wit me like always no one so i went by my self i got down there it was coo but they was stopin earlie cuzz there was a fight i seen ppl i knew some i like and some i didnt but it was wat ever when that was done i went to the 16 street to post up and walk around seen my home gurl from way back we kick it and talk and gave me some advise of what to do with this kylee thing so it was dark i didnt know wat time it was i walk to bus stop once agin like its not new some one has to talk shit i didnt say notin cuzz i knew i was going to fight if i did i told kylee i would stop so i avoided that so the 44 took for ever so i goton the 43 but littel did i know that bus stop in park hill the one place i do not want to be in i had to wait for another one so i get off i sittin post mindin my own biss till the nigg that was talkin shit hit me in the back of the head so now im gettin hit in the back and the head he stops and walks off i was hurt but i dont know wat hit me but my skin felt tight i could see it started going dark i got up i was piss past anything i ran up on him pick him up by his legs and threw him down i pick him up and went off i stop went to the bus stop and left him there we leav i get on havana and the cops stop the bus and they come on and grab me and put me in hand cuffs i did say notin they patt me down they ask if i had anything to do with the shootin at the parkin ride i say no they get a call and they let me go and rush off i get back in montbello home i call kylee let here know wats up hung up got on the 44 and went home got there i called kylee now i know she wanted space dje said try it so i did plus she said call later i did we talk for a min thin shi say call me in 10 min so i say ok about 20 pass i knew she was on the phone talkin to some one so i said ok any way i call her back we talk for a lil wile long and she puts me on hold she gets back on and i tell her that my body hurtsand she say that i should go to sleep well i knew wat that mean she said that we wasnt even post to be talkin and i keep askin my self how can i show her i changed if she dont want to talk but its ok its ok my day well it was ok

mood: stressed

just min ago i ask her to read all this spent all day rightn and i was hopein i get a msg back but it was noting

mood: depressed

in dis life of mine i cant pictur y is it all a lie y must i wounder y theres no one for as im foced to pull the gun and wacth them run is how i feel non to feel the pain i go thourgh non that see me and no when im realy hurtn its cold world and u got to hold yo own is wat learn theres know one to hold u down or get yo back lonly is how i feel as i go back to keepin my lips seal and just pull the steal they ask will my hurt heal i tell them i have no hart its notin there i told them im dead and wounder y im mad its not that no more im just sad i want to lie down and never get up i shy and look into my and see notin but a demon the angel is gone am i the omly one feeling like this plz tell me im not alone

mood: cold